Gods plan

Life has been a absolute whirlwind the past 6 months! We moved from our home of 7 years to a new place we love! The kids have grown up so much, my relationship with my husband has grown deeper as our 14th anniversy approches.

I have met some great new friends, and lost a few others... all of this has been amazing, and even though some of it seemed negative at the time, I have to say i see God's plan in it now.

Thats what I want to write about, Gods plan, fate, faith, providence. Whatever you want to call it. I find it amazingly beautiful, almost like music. You have your highs and lows, your happiness, your tears. But through it all, its shaping you to become who you are today!

I have learned so much over the past two years about who I am. For a long time I was just "mommy." Dont get me wrong, mommy is my most prized and cherished title. But I felt something lacking... a deep something.

I thought maybe I needed more friends, other moms to chat it out with. I found some great ones, but that did not fill the hole.

I tried writing a few articles and got a few published, but that did not do the trick either. I needed something deeper.

I got in shape, lost 80 pounds, build up my body, ran 6 miles a day... I felt great and look much better, but still the hole was there.

Finally about 5 months ago, while packing for our big move I found a note my dad wrote me while I was in college. He said this:

"Jenna, always remember that you are Gods child, on loan to us. Everyday I ask God to be my business partner, my guide. Everyday ask God to be your partner in school, make good decisions, do what's right, help people who need help. Study hard and finish school. Finish what you start, no matter how difficult, that is the greatest accomplishment."

When I saw this old letter from my dad (email was not yet the go to form of communication in 1996), I realized what I've been missing. I need God as my partner. I need to allow Him to guide me and not be so stubborn.

If I would have been doing this all along, listened to that small still voice inside, I would have avoided the bad friendships, made some wiser choices, been all around more successful in life.

So... I started this as a challenge to myself. Naturally, I am a pretty decent person. I don't gossip, I love my family, I can say I have never tried to hurt someone. But I do stupid things too... like drink to much when I do drink, or speak when I should be silent. Or smoke when I'm stressed. And the big one... try to help people who don't want help.

Every morning I asked God to guide me, to help me be better, to make me stronger to temptation. To remove bad people from my life. I have to say the results have been amazing, and painful. Losing friends is not something I'm good at. Anyone who knows me well, knows I am a big believer in faithfulness. Losing those friends was hard, but the positivity that has come into my life since is way worth the pain!

If you think about it... the Big guy loves us, wants us to be happy. He wants us to succeed. If you ask Him for those things and really allow His guidance, you'll get it from him.

Seek and you will find me.

Well I found Him. And He has directed me. Thank God!
I now feel that empty spot filled, because besides mommy, and wife, I'm Gods child.

That is our greatest title.